Football is back, bitches! Well, that’s not really true. It’s not football, being that there are no pads being worn, but it’s…something. So, OTA’s are back, bitches! I don’t know about you, but I’m jonesing for some football. And while guys running around in helmets and shorts isn’t the ideal scenario, it’s still better than no one running around at all. Ya feel me? Plus, there are real reasons to be excited about this Eagles team right now – and not just the normal “jonesing” reason. Carson Wentz is taking that pivotal step from year one to two; he’ll have legitimate NFL-quality wide receivers to throw to – including one with true #1 upside; a bruising, punishing running back to pair with a short, shifty freak of nature in the backfield; and a deep group of lineman to protect him. Are there reasons to worry? Obviously. And yes, I’m looking at you cornerbacks. But there’s still cause for optimism – both for the now and for the future. And that’s pretty cool. So enjoy OTA’s. Revel in the hope. We all know it won’t last for long, so I’ll take every second of it I can get, even if those seconds involve not real football in the month of May. With that in mind, let’s run down all the excitement surrounding the big helmets and shorts action going down this week.
Did you know OTA’s stand for “Organized Team Activities?” Oh, you did? Welp, don’t I look like an ass now. Awesome. Thanks for that one…jerks. Whatever. I’m going to keep going with my shtick because I don’t have a backup plan. Suck it. You know who else knows what “OTA’s” stands for? Zach Berman, that’s who. Not only does he know that, but he also has a list of “hot topics” for said Organized Team Activities. And I must tell you, they are pretty hot. Pretty, pretty, pretttttty hot.
I know what you’re wondering, and the answer is yes. Yes I did force that last sentence just so I could include the Curb action. If you don’t like Larry David, I apologize (also, wtf is wrong with you? Larry David is hilarious). Everyone else, you’re welcome. Moving on.
Want more OTA awesomeness? Done. And lucky for you, it’s not me giving the awesomeness. Instead, here’s Jimmy Kempski with five players he’s watching this week. I won’t spoil the list because you should totally click the link and read it, but I will say that I’m excited to see all five. Some more than others. Speaking of which…
The guy I’m most excited to see is also the tiniest of the bunch. I cannot wait to watch Lil’ Donnell Pumphrey slashing and gashing with the big boys. He’s just so…tiny. But that’s never stopped him before, and I hope it won’t in the future. Bob Ford has more on the diminutive, dynamic Donnell (ALLITERATION BITCHES!!!).
I should probably stop writing after that alliteration bomb I just dropped on you, but I can’t help myself. I’m basically doing the opposite of this:
Which feels like the wrong thing to do – but f*ck it. Let’s keep rolling. Did you know that Ed Werder has a podcast? Me either. Well, he does, apparently. And apparently Doug Pederson joined him on it. Luckily, you don’t have to listen to it –Benjamin Solak was kind enough to provide the highlights (lowlights?) saving us the time of actually having to listen to Doug P speak. Thanks Ben, we owe you one.
You know who owes us one? Chase effing Daniel, that’s who. His contract was rated as one of the worst in the league last season. Granted, I don’t blame Daniel, I blame the team for giving him the contract. If I were him I’m sure I would’ve signed the contract too. Well, I would have signed it as soon as I burned the copies of whatever pictures I had of Doug P or Howie Roseman that led to the contract in the first place. Burning them was part of the deal, obviously. Wtf am I talking about right now? I’ve really gone off the rails. Bottom line: Chase Daniel sucks and I hate him.
I think that last paragraph is a pretty clear sign that it’s time to bring this shit home. I clearly have nothing left in the tank. As I said, I should’ve ended on my sweet alliterative high note. Instead, you get this shit. So…may as well get to ending it — Twitter Time:
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) May 22, 2017
That’s nice and all, but what I really want is for the DB’s to be putting in work. Can we make that happen?
— NFL Stats (@NFL_Stats) May 22, 2017
Which one of these does not belong? Sorry, I had to. I love BG but c’mon.
Odell Beckham Jr. wasn’t at the Giants’ first OTA today. No word on why or if he plans to participate going forward: https://t.co/Rn4BVdBywL
— Dan Duggan (@DDuggan21) May 22, 2017
Contract dispute? Retiring? Tragic accident while dying his hair that left him blind in his right eye? Nothing at all? What could it be??? *Editor’s Note: It’s about money. It’s always about money.*
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) May 22, 2017
— Deadspin (@Deadspin) May 23, 2017
Is it weird that my first thought upon seeing this was, “yeah, that sounds about right.”
Here’s current Eagles HC Doug Pederson in Madden 2000, his lone season in Philly. His overall rating that year? 69. pic.twitter.com/9jw4exGsvy
— Robert Klemko (@RobertKlemko) May 22, 2017